Blueprints for Building Better Girls by Elissa Schappell

Author:Elissa Schappell [Schappell, Elissa]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Published: 2011-09-06T04:00:00+00:00

Emily celebrated her Sweet 16 with lime Jell-O, in bed, on the children’s wing at Mercy General. She was so small, and the hospital mattress, in comparison, so thick it reminded me of the fairy tale The Princess and the Pea. Paige and I stuck a candle in a low-fat iced carrot muffin, even though we weren’t allowed to light it, and sang to her. She wouldn’t eat either the Jell-O or the muffin.

The year she turned fifteen, Emily insisted she didn’t want to celebrate, then was disappointed we hadn’t had thrown her a surprise party. She licked her fingers and ate her cake—angel food, raspberry sauce on the side—crumb by crumb by crumb. In a joking voice she sang, “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To.” When Terry came to pick the girls up to take them to his place for the weekend, I asked him if he didn’t think Emily looked a little thin. Her periods had stopped. A fact which filled her with glee.

“I’m a little concerned,” I said.

“Nah,” he said, “she looks great. You’re just jealous.”

Fifteen was the year Emily started complaining about not being able to find clothes that fit. “Why don’t they make double 0 sizes?” she’d ask saleswomen, whose expressions of barely disguised jealousy made them look bloated with envy.

00Emily, license to purge.

In her size 0 jeans Emily sat on the floor with Paige playing slapjack, trying to teach her how to eat an M&M by first cracking the shell with her teeth.

“You can’t eat just one,” she said, digging her hand into the pocket of her sweater, where she’d dumped half the bowl of candy. When she stood the pocket hung down like a teat.

Her own breasts had disappeared.

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